No matter what you have, some day you will lose it !!!
It is an utterly spectacular May day in New York. (4/22/19) Everything is perfect, with a clear blue sky, no humidity and a mildly pleasant sunshine vitimanizing my aged bone structure. I am sitting in my walker outside our building right on the sidewalk of 59th street. I am listening to my Bose with its soothing tones from Tony Bennett and Dean Martin. I am feeling relaxed, peaceful and forgiving to all the ogres I meet on the street and otherwise.
Many people are walking on my street. There are students from nearby John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Some seem happy. Others seem tense and worried. Some seem semi-comatose, dragging their reluctant bodies to “somewhere”. Almost all have cell phones with those “ear buds” which bring them into their own private world. Most wear what looks like hand-me-down clothing which can cost dearly in Bloomies or Henri Bendel’s—especially if the jeans come with already split knees, giving that chic, “with it” look.
There are patients coming to and from the Hospital on this street ..some are elderly, walking slowly, looking for dangerous ruptures in the sidewalk. They walk with the terror of the elderly….falling….their ever present Damocles’ sword which can end their independence and hasten their death.
I see my old doctor from Physical Rehab as he rushes home after a grueling day of trying to get busted bodies to function again, to walk again. I see my ENT doctor looking confused and hesitant outside his office. Without his white coat he seems like a new immigrant ——- lost while looking for 59th street !!
An overweight, middle aged woman sits down next to me and opines about the terrible behavior of the little four year old boy whose tennis ball rolled under a parked car. His clearly pregnant Mommy drags him up to 9th avenue without retrieving the toy. Tears run down the kid’s face but the “expert” sternly says that “little boys shouldn’t cry…” I bite my tongue, wondering what kind of misanthropes this genius spawned…..
After an hour of such observation of the ”human condition”, my old mind is flooded with preliminary conclusions.
For example:
The words of some of my favorite crooners whom I enjoyed today bounce around in my thought:
“……it’s mine. you can’t take it….”
”…the Rockies may tumble, Gibralter may crumble. They’re only made of clay. But our love is here to stay…….”
Regardless of poetic license and sincere romantic intent, it is reality which ultimately reigns, not fantasy or infatuation. I, in years past, personally could walk, energetically and carefree, like those young people. So could all the current bumbling elderly, or the flabby and the obese. When I was young I could walk to the George Washington Bridge. A piece of cake!! That was a function of being young. It is not earned. It is a given —an aspect of Life coming with the territory of youth. But youth is fleeting like everything else.
Tomorrow may bring rain and clouds. Everything changes. All is in flux. Yet, at the same time everything is new. It is “plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.” It is the inevitable law built into “nature”. Loss and gain. Things come. Things go. People fall in and out of love. People lose their spouse, children, job, health, youth, reputation, friends. People become wrinkled, bald and scarred. They get fat and become “couch potatoes”. Lovers could not comprehend that in three years they might say to each other: “I don’t love you any more”… The Loss potential seems endless.
It has been said that “you own nothing. It owns you..” When Tony and Frank and the others sing of love forever, “till the sands of the desert grow cold…” it is a lovely romantic notion. But not necessarily real. I have cringed as I see computer stuff trumpeting “how they look now…” Photos of old, my old idols, are compared with current photos of these same “beautiful” people of my earlier years with their present gruesome, almost grotesque look —- too much Botox, patting and plastering. They have ”lost” their natural God given beauty to the ruthless “March” of time. It is a war no one can win. It is inevitable and real. Flux, loss and terror. Terror for those naive ones who place the focus of their value on how they look!!!!! But there is a saving approach to this reality. A reality known to the ancients and to anyone who thinks deeply.
Jesus taught it explicitly. “Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof…” He helps us see that it is all right to get old and sick and to fail…He tells us all about the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, none of which worries about how it looks but simply enjoys the day. The Implication? Each of us is beautiful in His eyes and each of us has something beautiful about us, no matter what stage or level we find ourselves occupying.
The Call is to our present life phase, not to past ones. There is no need for comparison. Regrets and poor choice may be historical for us but they are gone and done. They cannot be re-done or eliminated. It might be helpful to occasionally review one’s past with the intent to learn from one’s mistakes but it is more than useless to spend much time ruing and regretting and wishing…it is counter productive to browbeat oneself with the utterly useless self flagellations “How could I have been so dumb?” and “Why did I ever do that?”
But there is a need to focus on the NOW.
So many self-help programs center on the slogan “One day at a time …” Most of us can manage suffering and loneliness and disillusionment for one day. Depression will probably pass and tomorrrow may well be a better day. The great St. Teresa of Avila seemed to delight in her ability to live only one minute at a time….
Should this type of thinking depress the fainthearted, it is assuring to note that the time here should be one of joy. The Holy Spirit gifts us with much —-among which is this spirit of joy. Put into the vernacular: life is meant to be enjoyed with Appropriate fun: the only kind worth pursuing. Teresa tells us that “a sad saint is a sad sort of a saint…”
St. Teresa of Avila
But did I say that one can’t really have anything permanently? Did I say that you can’t have anything for “good”? Well, not exactly. This same St. Teresa sets the record straight.
Let nothing disturb you
Let nothing frighten you
All things are passing away
God never changes
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God, lacks nothing
God alone suffices.