On Holding Hands

When I was a teenager, dating a pretty girl from the parish, I was expert in dancing the ‘BUNNY HOP’ and insufferably knowledgeable about Glenn Miller and Artie Shaw and, I thought, very daring and bold. I held my girlfriend’s hand once. She told me that she “melted”, making me, in my self image, a kind of Romeo, a great lover. Innocence personified! While there is more to adult love than handholding, the practice can be lovely and highly symptomatic of profound regard for another.

A woman friend told me that she and her husband always sat very close to one another at dinner parties so that they could hold hands under the table. It signified some kind of deep devotion and commitment. Brings to mind that Beatle hit “I Want to Hold your Hand” which was very popular even with possible over the line behavior implied? There is much implicit messaging and palpable pleasure in holding hands…..

BUT WAIT!! Holding the hand of a little human being—say aged 4, is substantively different from the handholding of an adult man and an adult woman who are deeply in love with one another. Holding the hand of a creaky, stumbling oldster is substantively different from the handholding of a loving couple; a man and woman in love with each other. But of course it always “messages” some kind of bond between two people.

In any event, I am “pierced like a sword” when I see a guy and gal strolling down the street handholding. My heart leaps with joy if they are elderly and very much bonded after all their years together. Often in my now extensive marriage counseling experience (55years and I am now 102, still a romantic at heart) I would suggest to my dear clients that they might include in their search for a loving relationship, holding hands. The results sometimes were remarkable. A simple gesture but loaded with meaning and affection.

It is never too late to learn to love.